My Walk in Uncertainty – Part 1

After more than 30 years of living with a bad knee, I finally decided to have it replaced on December 6. I was tired of the constant pain, of not being able to fully enjoy my favorite activities. The surgery went well, and after four weeks of painful physical therapy, my doctor cleared me for travel.

Then, everything changed.

Six weeks after surgery, we arrived home from a trip on Friday January 17 and as I climbed into bed I was struck by a sudden, searing pain in my left knee. Looking down, I was shocked—it had swollen to nearly twice its normal size. The skin felt impossibly tight, stretched to its limits. The pain was excruciating.

Jeff, my partner and a retired Doctor, called the on-call physician. There was little doubt—my knee was infected, and I would need surgery. On Sunday we headed to the ER. There, they would drain fluid off my knee to determine the type of bacteria, admit me to the hospital, and operate on Monday.

That decision led to five days in the hospital. The first night, I woke up five times, for IV’s, drawing blood, temperature, etc. - including once to find my doctor standing beside me. “I’m worried about you, Paula. I came straight from the airport so we could talk before surgery,” he said. He told me they needed to locate the right “parts” to fix my knee, so surgery was scheduled the next afternoon.

When I finally returned home, I had a different recovery ahead of me. The temporary spacer they implanted, made from bone cement infused with antibiotics, would keep my knee aligned, but it wasn’t designed to allow my knee to bend or to support weight. I couldn’t walk without a walker; I couldn’t drive. Pain meds drained my energy. I had no choice but to adapt—restructuring my business, reevaluating my life. I missed seeing friends, working with clients.

And the pain? Worse than the knee replacement itself.

I remember sitting on my bed, trying to process how I would endure eight more weeks of waiting for surgery #3 to finally replace the knee—followed by another eight-plus weeks of physical therapy and recovery. Jeff gave me daily antibiotic infusions through a PICC line in my upper arm, and the walker kept me confined to the house.

After three weeks, I convinced my doctor to let me use cuff crutches, which wouldn’t interfere with my PICC line. That small victory meant freedom—I could drive, see friends, and regain some independence. I relied on Jeff a little less (he is my hero; the role of the caretaker is always understated), my spirits lifted, and for the first time in weeks, I felt like me again.

But I still struggled. Would my clients be okay with rescheduling? Going virtual when needed? The truth is, I was the one making it difficult. I could work less, rest, meditate and embrace my new normal. As a dear friend reminded me, “Paula, your only job right now is to heal.” My brain fired back: I. Don’t. Think. So.

How long would it take me to follow the very advice I give others?

Now, eight weeks into this unexpected second phase of my journey, I’ve realized my biggest battle isn’t physical—it’s mental. I need to remind myself how resilient I am – how much I have gained by reflecting on my challenges and overcoming them.

Often, I turn to my tools. The most powerful thinking/resilience tool? My NBC tool:

1. Notice the negative thought: “I can’t slow down. My business, my life will fall apart.”

2. Bounce the thought—say “out, out,” “cancel, cancel,” or simply “STOP.”

3. Change the thought to something that feels better: “I can take care of myself and still get what truly matters done. The rest can wait.”

   
   

I had to choose rest. To embrace space and time for healing—physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. And in that space, I found something unexpected: clarity, resilience, peace.

This journey isn’t over. My final surgery—#3—is this Friday. I’ll keep unraveling the beliefs that hold me back and moving forward.

Wish me well.

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Paula’s leadership training transforms your company’s culture into a place that engages and retains top talent, saving millions. Her clients include Coca-Cola, Lowe’s, Microsoft, KPMG and Collins Aerospace.

Paula Guilfoyle

Training Leaders to Be Resilient

Phone: (704) 906-8045

Email: Paula@ClaimLeadership.com

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