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Setting Yourself Free

What is it that you won’t let go of? What can’t you forgive yourself for?

For me, one of the most painful things I had to forgive myself for involved my sweet, wonderful brother.

Danny was a Special Olympian who lived in a group home in New York most of his life.

While he was there, I lived in Philadelphia and South Carolina. I didn’t see him very often.

When he died 10 years ago, I had to make peace with myself.

I thought, “Paula, you saw him as often as you could; you did the best you could at the time; let it go.”

Painful? Difficult? You bet.

A necessary step to live a happy, healthy life? Absolutely.

When we look at the tough stuff, the thoughts and feelings that stand in the way of our happiness, we grow.

We have better relationships at home and work, experience more joy and do better work.

Start with forgiveness.

Here’s the twist though: the first person you need to forgive is yourself.

You know all that negative self-talk – the critical voice that interferes with your happiness and peace?

Start to notice that voice and what it is “saying” about you and others.

It blames and complains.

That negative self-talk lowers your self-esteem, interferes with your relationships, limits your confidence.

Forgiving yourself…

It is easy to be critical of yourself because you can now see how you would have done it differently.

Recognize you were doing the best you could with the knowledge and experience you had.

Say, “I did the best I could at the time – now I choose to forgive myself, to let it go.”

Forgiving others…

Your lack of forgiveness only hurts you – not the other person. Their life is just fine, thank you very much.

Not forgiving them, holding on to the negative is like “taking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

Resentment is a silent killer of closeness, love, and friendship. Let what they did go and free yourself.

For peace…

Finally, if you can’t forgive yourself or them – say to yourself, “I am doing the best I do can right now.”

Awareness is the first step. Recognizing your lack of forgiveness may eventually lead to forgiveness.

Today ask, “Who do I need to forgive?”

Then forgive yourself and everybody else.

This is setting yourself free.


Paula is on a mission to help organizations transition “back to optimal environment,” = what works best for all.

She would love to connect and hear what your team is doing to retain your best talent through promoting open listening, addressing change anxiety and creating your “optimal environment” for engaged effectiveness.

Paula: 704-906-8045 (call/text with name please)

Paula Guilfoyle

Consultant – Transforming Teams

Call now: 704-906-8045, email: or visit her website

Result: 5 minutes of your time = a free interactive workshop to get the tools you and your team need now.


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