Are you struggling with a relationship? Do you want someone to change? They won’t change until you do. The first step is to accept them – imperfect as they are. Then forgive them – and let it go.
Your lack of forgiveness hurts you, not them. Your resistance – not accepting them as they are – causes you pain. Your negativity causes you to experience more of the same – negativity.
When you are being critical of others notice if you are being critical or kind to yourself. “Kind to myself?” Yes; is the voice in your head overly critical about everything? Or do you (at least occasionally) say to yourself, “Great job; that went well?”
When you are kind to yourself, when the voice in your head looks for what you did well, you feel better. You are also less likely to hold a grudge, or think unkindly of others. All because you are being kind to yourself. This is called self-compassion.
Create a powerful new habit for a powerful new life. Notice what is going well, where you are being a superstar, where you rock. And say something kind to yourself, like “Awesome! That went amazingly well! You did it!”
Now that you feel better – let’s move on to forgiveness. Who is bugging you? Choose to forgive them, and set yourself free.
The truth: “Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” You are the one suffering, get it?
How do you forgive? You don’t have to say anything to the other person. Just think about them, saying to yourself, “I forgive you, I let it go, and I am now free.”
And let it go. Keep repeating, “I forgive you, I let it go, and I am now free,” until you feel better. You will know you have forgiven because when you think of the person there is no sting, no bad feelings.
To forgive is to show compassion for yourself, compassion for them. None of us are perfect. Forgive and set yourself free.